A Eulogy for the Phone Book – Rest in Peace Old Friend

By December 19, 2018Parody

Phonebook Tombstone

Why are we still getting phone books delivered to our doors in 2018? Unless there’s a strong man nearby with hands ready for ripping, there really is no need to keep a phone book in the house.

Though not completely out of circulation, we think it’s appropriate to start saying our goodbyes to the traditional phone book. And we want to do so by remembering the good times, the bad times, and everything in between.

So, this is our eulogy for the phone book from a caring business VoIP company.

No more wondering what happened to the phone book, no more asking if the phone book is still delivered to homes all over the country. We are going to preemptively say our farewells to the large yellow brick that sat in the kitchen cabinet or in the living room closet.

Goodbye Phone book.

Thank you everyone for coming to this sad day indeed. A special thank you to Pay Phone, who made the trip to be here. We all know you haven’t been well for some years.

First, we would like to extend our condolences to everyone who knew the phone book well:

To the people that used the phone book to boost themselves up on a seat. Your elevation will remain low. To the people that used it to prop open a stubborn door temporarily. That door is shut forever. To the families that used the phone book as wrapping paper in the direst of circumstances. Those gifts will remain unwrapped. And to the pet owners who used the phone book pages to line the cat litter box. The box will never be the same.

We remember times when we had to frantically look through the flimsy pages of the phone book, looking for a mechanic, a tow truck driver, or a salon for an emergency haircut. The times when we would search the names of people we met, hoping to find their numbers listed in those pages. Then leaving the book open to our panic as we built up the courage to call.

The phone book was committed to connecting people, an admirable cause indeed, and something that business phone service providers understand complete. It was a noble endeavor but lacked the mobile capabilities. Once the smart phone came along, there was just no way we were going to lug these massive phone books around.

We hope you keep dialing; the phone book would have wanted it that way. And now, we begin a new page in the book of life with digital phone services, record keeping, and paper-free phone solutions.

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